Two 5-Second Frameworks For Better Communication
1 For Small Talk, 1 For Relationships
Today I’m going to lay out 2 frameworks to help you become an expert conversationalist.
Have you ever been in that awkward conversation you wish would end? What about your significant other telling you that you aren’t listening?
After today these problems will disappear and you’ll gain confidence in your conversation skills.
Conversational Threading
There are 2 steps to conversational threading:
Being able to ask open-ended questions.
Being able to answer poor questions or closed-ended questions.
Asking the questions is simple. Before you ask someone a question, ask yourself if they could answer it in a sentence.
“Where do you live?”
“What do you do for work?”
If you have to ask one of these questions, you can guess the answer to add some humour to the conversation.
“You look like you own a micro-brewery for sure!”
These questions are typically dead ends and don’t lead to much follow up conversation.
Let’s use this example to show the second step, how to answer bad questions.
“Where do you live?”
Bad: “I live in Hamilton.”
Good: “I live downtown Hamilton, right near James Street South, there are some fantastic new restaurants there that we can walk to. We sometimes pick new ones for date night. We’re also regulars at pub trivia on Monday nights over there. We really like the park at the end of the road, it’s nice for the dog.”
All of a sudden you have 5+ different conversational “threads” that someone else can grab onto. Mastering these two things will stop you from dreading small talk and running dry on topics.
Do You Want Solutions or Affirmation?
This one is dead simple. So many communication problems in relationships are the result of talking past each other. Here is the most common example:
Your girlfriend, wife or partner comes to you to talk or vent about a problem or scenario in her life.
STOP.
I know what you’re about to do. Don’t do it yet.
As guys we are hard wired to solve problems. It’s what we’re good at, it’s what makes us feel useful. It’s in our biology.
The issue is 80-90% of the time your partner doesn’t want a solution, they want to know you are listening to them and empathizing with their situation.
This silent miscommunication of expectations kills so many otherwise great relationships.
Try this instead. All you have to do is ask this question before you answer.
Do You Want Solutions or Affirmation?
This takes all the pressure off the situation. Sometimes she will want solutions. Great, go to town. Most of the time you’ll be able to just sit there with her, communicate your understanding of the situation and let her know that you’re on her team.
If this hurts you… write down the solutions you thought of in an Apple Note and have them ready for when she does want solutions 😂