A 4 Step Framework To Building Your Dream Life (Extended Distillation)

My hero's journey to a fulfilling life.

I’m sitting in my parents basement. It’s 2 o’clock on a random Thursday in 2016. I’m probably scrolling through Twitter and playing League of Legends.

5 years working in video games has amounted to me being a glorified monkey. Post on Twitter… wait for the next article… post that on Twitter… wait for the next article.

14 year old Blake would be loving life. Getting paid to play video games and having no other responsibilities? The dream.

My 24 year old self had other ideas.

What did I want?

• Purpose…

• A family of my own…

• Adventure…

• Money…

• Not be out of breath walking up the hill to the house…

• A sleep schedule…

• To be rid of my anxiety…

• Not to live in a basement…

None of that was going to get accomplished playing games for 10 hours a day in my mom’s basement. I knew something had to change.

Solving career problems is one thing.

Attempting to find the right partner, start a family and crush the recycled anxiety that would keep me up until 3am was an entirely different thing.

I tried fixing my problems by dropping out of university. I tried moving out on my own. I tried getting more socially involved. I tried leaning into to my passion to become a video game streamer. I tried running for the first time in my adult life.

None of these things got me any closer to quieting my self-doubt or finding the girl of my dreams.

Cut back to me sitting at my desk. I don’t know how I ended up on this part of YouTube, but one 5 minute video changed my entire life.

It was titled: My Year 2016.

TL;DW A 21 year old kid named Sam Kolder spent his year travelling around the world. Hanging out with attractive women. Touring with The Chainsmokers. Doing backflips off cliffs in Hawaii with his 6 pack. Climbing cranes in rural India. Freediving. Open air helicopter rides.

I realized there was so much more to explore in the real world. I’d spent too much time exploring Azeroth (the fictional planet in the Warcraft universe).

Maybe most importantly it ended with this…

I had great male role models after my dad passed when I was a teenager, but maybe not one that was as close as I would have wanted.

So, to see Sam exploring the world and living his best life only 2 years after losing his older brother… It gave me the fire I needed to make changes in my life.

So now what was stopping me from living the life I wanted?

• My current job

• Judgement from my family

• Major self-doubt

• Lack of confidence

• Introversion

• Underdeveloped social skills

• Lack of life skills

• No money

• No long-term partner

If I failed at this next hurdle I was accepting a different life. A 9-5 that didn’t fulfill me. Hours of video games. A small social circle. Wondering if I was going to have to marry the cute Night Elf priest from my guild who I’m pretty sure was a dude.

You get it. The stakes were high.

I gave myself 9 months to prepare. I booked a one-way ticket to Thailand… So far out of my comfort zone it may as well have been to Narnia.

I spent the next 4 years building the life I wanted.

With no real guide, I fashioned one, Frankenstein’s monster style out the bits and pieces I admired in other people.

The epiphany?

You have to ask.

You have to ask others for help. But more importantly, you have to ask yourself what you want.

Zig Ziglar says, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”

I knew how to reach my destination. I just needed to keep going. I spent years determining my values. And…

I learned how to design my dream life!

While the exact strategy could vary slightly, it looks a little something like this:

1. Take stock of your world. Find what is working, and what isn’t.

2. Write down what your dream life looks like. The more detailed you can be, the easier the next step is.

   1. Who is with you?

   2. What does the dream day look like?

   3. What does the dream week look like?

   4. What does the dream month look like?

   5. How much money are you making?

   6. Where do you live?

   7. How many kids?

   8. How often do you see your friends?

   9. Do you have a spiritual practice?

3. Break your new dream life into, “If True” statements. Again, be as detailed as possible.

   1. If I want to have 4 kids, what needs to be true?

      1. I need a partner.

      2. I need to make enough money to support them.

      3. I need a house big enough to live in.

      4. I need to be healthy enough to keep up with them.

      5. etc…

4. Underneath each statement, write out at least 1 thing you could do right now to move towards that goal. Some of these things will overlap, that is okay.

   1. At this point it could be reasonable to have hundreds of small steps that you could take right now that would lead to achieving part of your dream life.

5. Start.

It sounds impossible to say, “Tomorrow I’m going to start living my dream life.”

It sounds much less overwhelming to say, “Tomorrow I’m going to take a 30 minute walk to the coffee shop. That will allow me to improve my health, have a low pressure conversation with the barista to boost my confidence and potentially run into a friend.”

Your life is the collection of small choices that you make every day. The more choices you make that aim towards your dream life, the faster you can get there.

You don’t have to hit the target every time, you just need to know where to aim.

I can pretty much sum up my results in one picture…

For the last time, you would not have dated me in high school 😂

Since that day in 2016 I’ve found:

• Purpose: To give young men the role model that I lost at a young age.

• A family of my own: I’m getting married on Friday.

• Adventure: I spent 7 months in Thailand & Indonesia.

• Money: I’ve not worried about money problems in 5 years. Next week we’ll have a combined net worth of over $200,000 before age 30.

• Not be out of breath walking up the hill to the house: I ran a half marathon in 90 minutes.

• A sleep schedule: You’ll now find me embracing a 9:30 bedtime.

• To be rid of my anxiety: I can count on two hands the number of sleepless nights I’ve had in the last 5 years.

• Not to live in a basement: (admittedly with some help) we now own a cozy one bedroom home in downtown Hamilton.

Have I achieved my dream life? Well of course not yet, but I’ve been pointed in the right direction for 7 years.

I’m about to be happily married on the way to starting a family. Living a comfortable middle class lifestyle (what’s left of middle class anyways). On track to have over $11,500,000 by age 65. Have a fulfilling job and hobbies. And, so little stress I’ve surprised even myself.

More importantly than any of the material results…

• I’ve improved my work ethic.

• I’m comfortable in any social situation.

• My introversion is no longer an excuse.

• I’ve acquired a ton of life skills by rubbing shoulders with people much smarter than me.

• I have a much better relationship and appreciation for my family.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are your dreams. Stop wandering aimlessly around the countryside and start laying bricks in the foundation of your dream life.